Feather – Needs More Lasers

Five things that should be done to improve Feather from Samurai Punk:

1. More Lasers – I was disappointed to find out that there are no advanced bird mounted lasers in Feather. No weapons of any kind really. No assault rifles. No shotguns. Not even any pistols. You are just a bird flying around and just… *looking* at things. Who would want to just spend some peaceful times looking at things when they could be blowing up a fully destructible environment with rockets and bombs. More lasers in the update please!

Needs more napalm.

2. Heavy Metal Soundtrack – The music in feather is far too calming and relaxing. Why would anyone listen to the dulcet ambient tones of Mitchell Pasman when they could listen to real manly music from groups such as Corroded Funeral, Screams of Chaos, or Deathspell Omega? I mean, it’s like Samurai Punk wants us to relax and enjoy life a bit instead of maintaining in a constant state of PUMPED UP RAGE! Who has time for not being angry all the time?

Needs more metal.

3. Brutal Death Animations – You can’t die in this game. When you crash the game just rewinds time a bit so that you can take a different path through the scenery. I tried repeatedly to kill my bird by crashing it into to everything that I could find in the world. There were beautiful water falls that didn’t kill me. Lovely forests that didn’t kill me. And majestic snowy mountaintops that also failed the murder my bird. When a bird dies it should have a really gory animation where it explodes in a giant puddle of bird goo. I tested this by taping birdseed to the inside of the windows in my apartment and documenting the results when the birds smacked into it. It’s super gross.

4. More Missions and Achievements – I don’t know about you, but having no structure in a game is really frustrating. I mean, Feather just expects you to fly around and explore the world. You can find hidden underground caves leading to grottoes of musical mushrooms. But really this game needs a rigid quest and achievement system to keep the player on track. If we don’t have quest markers, how will me know what to do?

What is the point of beauty if you can’t destroy it?

5. Multiplayer Death-match Battle Royale Mode – There is a multiplayer component to Feather. You can see other birds that are online with you at the same time. You can even may bird noise at them and follow their paths as if you were free as a… um… bird. But real gamers don’t want to be free as a bird. They want to be free as Americans. Which are the freest things in the world. And that includes the freedom to destroy weaker players with your elite skills. Other people shouldn’t be allowed to play this game without being instantly slaughters by my rocket laser bird (see point 1). That is true freedom. Git gud.

Also, loot crates.