Figment – Your Dad’s Dead

Full Disclosure: I bought this game like a pleb. Worth it.

This game was one of the highlights of BitSummit 2017. Getting pissed drunk on the river and listening to Scandinavian metal for a bit with one of the developers of this game was also a highlight. I don’t remember much else, but I looked at my watch and it was like 3am, and I couldn’t count that high, so must have been a good night.


Figment – Dusty and Piper


Figment is about this Jingle looking dude called Dusty, and his Navi-like just-barely-not-annoying sidekick, Piper, who live in the mind of a boring father Ima call Stan who just got into a car wreck. No really.

I almost called him Doug, but I didn’t want to be that mean. The developers seem pretty nice.

The Mind, as they call it, seems to be a pretty peaceful place, perhaps too peaceful to Dusty who likes to look at his scrapbook, drink, and wish that Stan would do something cool for once in his life.

It’s like this guy is inside of me. I should go do something cool. Are pogs still a thing?

Well, he gets that chance, when Stan wrecks the car his ass and his family are driving in, and then probably ends up in a coma, or maybe caught in super slow motion and black-and-white on the side of the road. This trauma messes up The Mind, causing these pretty cool looking baddies to come and get all up in Dusty’s grill.

They’re pretty on point, too. I mean, you’re not supposed to look at the villain, and be like “Dayum, you right on target,” but here’s the most real piece of dialogue I’ve seen so far in the game.


Figment – Real


Like this guy should be posting for Nihilist Arby’s. I mean look at this Twitter gold.



It’s a match. A perfect match. Not that that matters or anything at all ever. And this boss is just killing time until the inevitable end. (Am I cool yet?)

Whatever. So yeah you’re chasing dudes, through this beautifully hand painted Toe Jam & Earlscape, picking up some things here and there and doing some minor modification to your surroundings to get where you need to go. Beautiful doesn’t really cover it. Everything is super vibrant and really pops out at you in a way that’s informative and not obnoxious. Just wandering around is pretty fun. You can’t really wander that far, but everything is nice to look at.

Then you hit a boss.

And the boss music is straight up metal. Which, I shouldn’t have to say this, is amazing. Like seriously, I’m using metal in all of my boss fights from now on. Straight up. Also, the nihilist boss with the extra arms you encounter first totally sounds like Skwisgaar Skwigelf. I mean I know these guys are Danish, but I don’t know, maybe metal has that sort of sound. The boss doesn’t actually sing or play instruments during the battle, but it’s still cool enough. At least I don’t think he sings, I mean there is a vocal track. I should listen to it again. The boss singing metal as you fight him would be frickin’ cool.


Figment – Getting Some Ice.


On that note, I’m going to get me a drink myself. Dusty loses his martini during the first few minutes and has to hunt down this ice machine. Me? I’m going 3 paces to the fridge. It’s still a worthy puzzle. No? Meh.

Your stuggle is pointless. Everything is.

(Nah, everything’s cool. I use the Internet and sometimes play video games for a living. How could that be bad?)